Below are the principles of how to win friends and influence people laid out in the classic non-fiction book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
I’ve added in a few of my own notes to further explain some points. A weekly goal I have is to read through this list intently – really trying to understand and apply in my own life the timeless message that is taught. And it truly has changed my life forever, for the better.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Criticize: indicate faults in a disapproving way
- Condemn: express complete disapproval of, typically publicly
- Complain: express dissatisfaction or annoyance about something
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
- Never show others that you are not interested in what they have to say.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
- Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re Wrong.”
- If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically (ability to understand and share the feelings of another).
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic (understanding between people, common feelings) with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler (moral) motives.
- Dramatize (exaggerate the seriousness or importance) your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face (avoid humiliation).
- Praise every improvement.
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier
- Don’t nag (fault finding or continuous urging).
- Don’t try to make your partner over.
- Don’t criticize (indicate faults in a disapproving way).
- Give honest appreciation.
- Pay little attentions (do the small things with no expectation or attention drawn to it).
- Be courteous (polite, respectful, considerate in manner).
- Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.