“Let Them & Let Me” is a mindset strategy from Mel Robbins:
“Let them” means accepting you can’t control others’ actions, thoughts, or moods (e.g. “Let them be wrong” or “Let them act that way”)
“Let me” is the powerful follow-up, reclaiming your agency by focusing on your own control: your responses, boundaries, and choices (“Let me focus on my own well-being” or “Let me choose my reaction”)
It shifts energy from trying to change others to managing your inner world, creating peace and protecting your time.
Using “let them let me” in real life
Someone says something weird about your relationship, your choices, your body – and suddenly you’re spiraling. Here’s your next move: pause and ask yourself two questions before you react or think too deeply.
Why this works: Most uncomfortable comments aren’t actually attacks – they’re projections. But our brains treat social weirdness like threats, triggering overthinking and defensiveness. These questions help you sort what’s actually happening from what you’re making it mean.
The two-question check:
- “Did this cross a line, or did it just catch me off guard?” (Boundary violation vs. surprise)
- “Is this about me, or about them?” (Usually it’s their worldview, insecurity, or social conditioning talking)
If it caught you off guard but didn’t cross a line, a simple response like “that’s not really our style” or “we’re good, thanks” works. No explanation needed.
If it did cross a line, you get to set a boundary – calmly but clearly. Try: “I’m not comfortable discussing that” or “That’s not something I’m open to feedback on.”
Either way, you don’t owe anyone your internal processing or justification for your choices.
Try this today:
Next time a comment feels weird, hit pause. Ask the two questions. Respond (or don’t) from clarity, not reactivity.
I just went through this yesterday. A customer at work made a weird comment and I spiraled. I didn’t have these two questions to bounce back on, but I did have my husband. We peeled back the onion together and realized that I didn’t actually want to punch them in the face, that they just made me feel weird and caught me off guard. Sigh of relief.
It’s really never that deep. I’m glad I spoke up because my hubby and I had a great convo and we’re stronger because of it. It’s not surrendering, it’s let them and let me (Joey’s reading Let Them by Mel Robbins!)
Share your thoughts below!
Core by Corie 