Category: Let Them Theory

Books, Let Them Theory, Mindfulness, Relationships

Let Them Theory: Navigating Power Struggles

Corie Muldoon

Ever notice how some conflicts feel less like disagreements and more like arm-wrestling matches? That’s a power struggle.

It happens when two people stop trying to solve a problem and start trying to win.

What It Looks Like

  • Conversations that go nowhere
  • The same fight on repeat
  • Feeling like you can’t back down without “losing”
  • Avoiding someone because talking feels pointless

The Let Them Theory Connection

Mel Robbins’s “Let Them” theory is simple but revolutionary: sometimes the best response isn’t to fight back or convince someone—it’s to let them be them.

It’s asking: Do I need to address this power struggle directly, or is letting it go the smarter move? Here’s the truth most people miss: Not every battle needs to be fought. Sometimes the most powerful move is refusing to play the game altogether.

When you stop wrestling for control, you stop giving that struggle your energy.

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Is this person willing to have an honest conversation?
  • Am I trying to change them or protect my peace?
  • What happens if I just… let them be wrong?

The Real Work

Power struggles end when one person stops struggling—and that person doesn’t have to be both of you.

Here’s what actually happens: When you step out of the fight, you take back your power. You’re no longer reacting to them, defending yourself, or waiting for them to change their mind. You’re just… not playing. That’s not weakness. That’s strategy.

The person who can walk away is the one with all the power in the room. So the real work isn’t convincing them you’re right. It’s deciding that your peace matters more than winning the argument.

Your move:

Notice where you’re arm-wrestling this week in conversation. Then ask yourself if winning is worth it?

Here’s where to start: If the relationship matters long-term (family, close friends, partners), take space first to cool down, then set a clear boundary. If respect isn’t there and energy keeps draining, walking away might be your answer.

Either way, give yourself time to cope and come up with a game plan—because the real victory is reclaiming your peace.

Personal Note:

I’ve been noticing power struggles everywhere lately—with family, at work. Once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it.

The wildest part? Most of us were never taught how to handle conflict without turning it into a competition. But know you have the power to walk away and reframe what something means to you.

Books, Healthy Habits, Let Them Theory, Mental Health

When Comments Catch You Off Guard: Let Them and Let Me

Corie Muldoon

“Let Them & Let Me” is a mindset strategy from Mel Robbins:

“Let them” means accepting you can’t control others’ actions, thoughts, or moods (e.g. “Let them be wrong” or “Let them act that way”)

“Let me” is the powerful follow-up, reclaiming your agency by focusing on your own control: your responses, boundaries, and choices (“Let me focus on my own well-being” or “Let me choose my reaction”)

It shifts energy from trying to change others to managing your inner world, creating peace and protecting your time.

Using “let them let me” in real life

Someone says something weird about your relationship, your choices, your body – and suddenly you’re spiraling. Here’s your next move: pause and ask yourself two questions before you react or think too deeply.

Why this works: Most uncomfortable comments aren’t actually attacks – they’re projections. But our brains treat social weirdness like threats, triggering overthinking and defensiveness. These questions help you sort what’s actually happening from what you’re making it mean.

The two-question check:

  • “Did this cross a line, or did it just catch me off guard?” (Boundary violation vs. surprise)
  • “Is this about me, or about them?” (Usually it’s their worldview, insecurity, or social conditioning talking)

If it caught you off guard but didn’t cross a line, a simple response like “that’s not really our style” or “we’re good, thanks” works. No explanation needed.

If it did cross a line, you get to set a boundary – calmly but clearly. Try: “I’m not comfortable discussing that” or “That’s not something I’m open to feedback on.”

Either way, you don’t owe anyone your internal processing or justification for your choices.

Try this today:

Next time a comment feels weird, hit pause. Ask the two questions. Respond (or don’t) from clarity, not reactivity.

I just went through this yesterday. A customer at work made a weird comment and I spiraled. I didn’t have these two questions to bounce back on, but I did have my husband. We peeled back the onion together and realized that I didn’t actually want to punch them in the face, that they just made me feel weird and caught me off guard. Sigh of relief.

It’s really never that deep. I’m glad I spoke up because my hubby and I had a great convo and we’re stronger because of it. It’s not surrendering, it’s let them and let me (Joey’s reading Let Them by Mel Robbins!)

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