Building Emotional Intimacy: A Couples Guide

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we’ll be touching on relationships this month!

Emotional intimacy is the sharing of thoughts and feelings with another person in a way that is… safe, trusting, and vulnerable. It is a key aspect of interpersonal relationships.

What does emotional intimacy involve?

• Feeling close to another person
• Sharing personal feelings
• Receiving personal validation
• Being open and honest with each other
• Sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings

Strong emotional intimacy comes from showing up emotionally for someone consistently over a long period of time.

When we show up for someone emotionally, we’re making a deposit into their emotional piggy bank. Make enough deposits = something of true value.

Here are some ways to build emotional intimacy, starting with smaller steps:

Daily Connection:

• 10-minute check-ins about your days
• Share one good thing and one challenge each day
• Physical touch without sexual pressure (hand holding, hugs, light touches)
• Express appreciation for specific things you notice

Activities Together:

• Cook a meal together
• Take walks and talk
• Try a new hobby or class together
• Create shared goals or projects

Deeper Connection:

• Share fears and hopes
• Ask about each other’s feelings beyond surface level
• Show vulnerability about your own emotions
• Listen without trying to fix
• Share memories of why you fell for each other

Small Daily Gestures:

• Send thoughtful texts
• Leave little notes
• Do small favors
• Express genuine compliments
• Ask about their feelings/thoughts

Remember to:

• Start small and build gradually
• Be patient with the process
• Focus on quality time without distractions
• Share your appreciation when they make efforts

A little bit everyday adds up.

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